It's a bedtime tradition that began with Little Nutbrown Hare, and each night we try to outdo the last...I love you to the moon and back...to the beach and back...to the mountians...and one of my favorites, "to Jesus and the angels" and back...We never imagined we would be saying, I love you to Africa and back...it seems like the furthest imaginable place, but yet in God's perfect timing, we plan to go.... to Africa and back!!! And when we get back, we will have another little cheek to kiss goodnight...please keep us in your prayers and enjoy this journey with us!

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Looking Up - Part Two



2trust verb \ˈtrəst\
: to believe that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc. : to have confidence in (someone or something)
: to believe that something is true or correct

: to hope or expect that something is true or will happen


We felt, after a month of waiting, something needed to be done to learn all we could about the children's situation. We felt that there were 4 children living as orphans in an orphanage, while their mother was waiting for them to be released back to her care. A heartbreaking situation in which something needed to be done. The visit to the orphanage took place. More answers, more confusion…

They arrived and eventually were allowed inside the orphanage. I am told, what they saw were police in lieu of security, a number of kids walking around in shirts with no diapers or pants, a child sleeping in the middle of a dirty floor, the mamas all sitting on the floor and the police had children in their laps. They inquired about our children and were surprised when the children were brought in along with their biological mother. They were told that the majority of the mamas working at the orphanage are actually children's biological mothers. They work there and do so in order to be there with their children while the children wait to be adopted. Unsettling information… How is it that children are being deemed abandoned while their biological mothers care for them while they wait in the orphanage as orphans? Confusion…

They were able to speak with the children's biological mother. The children were taken out, but the baby had to be brought back in, she was too upset when she was taken out of her mother’s arms. There was an obvious bond between the mother and her children. When they questioned her about being there she stated she was there so she could be with her children. She stated she still wanted them to be adopted, but she also stated that if she could care for them financially she would not want them to be adopted. She stated that she was very upset that her son had not received needed post operative follow up care. She stated that she was told that he had not been taken to the doctor because his adoptive parents refused to pay for the appointment. This was heartbreaking to hear. We had not been notified by the agency that any action was needed on our part in order for him to receive the needed care. We knew he had a scheduled post operative appointment, when he was discharged, and we had trusted that once back in the care of the orphanage staff, they would make the needed arrangements for him to attend this appointment. We also knew that we had previously made a payment to our agency to cover medical expenses that had not been used, we had trusted this would be made available for his care when needed. We had trusted…

I've learned a lot about trust this year. All we could do was trust what we were told by our agency. We were aware, when we began an international adoption that it might be challenging to find out information about our children and we were prepared, not to know. But, when a mother can be contacted when her son is in the hospital, why couldn’t she be contacted to obtain information as we questioned? Each time we learned new information, pertaining to the adoption of our children, we were left to trust. To trust the information they gave us to be truth. To trust that there was no way of finding answers. While we may have had no concrete evidence, we chose to trust their word. As we obtained paperwork that didn't correlate with information we had been given, we began to question, our trust wavering. In October, when my friend's sister met with our children's birthmother, all I could do was trust the information she gave me to be truth and compare it to the information we had been given by our agency. There I was again, at a place where I must trust that another persons words are truth. I must trust. I trust her when she tells me, this mother asks that I ask our agency if she can have a job working for the orphanage, as many other mothers, so she can be with her children. I trust her when she tells me, this mother loves and cares for her children, and she initially had no intentions of giving up her children permanently for international adoption. I trust when she tells me, this mother allowed her children to go to the orphanage out of love for them and a chance for a better future, when she believed they were coming to America to receive an education and would return to her. I trust when she tells me, if she were financially able, she desires to parent her children. All I have are the words I have been told by this Congolese lady, who went above and beyond to help me, an adoptive parent in America, and a fellow Congolese lady and her children. I have the words of this friend and the words spoken to me so clearly by the mother of my adopted children. As I spoke with our children’s mother, through an interpreter, I told her that if we adopt her children she would possibly never see them again, their names would be changed to our family name and she would no longer be their mother, is that what she wanted and she said, "No, No." Her words echo in my mind, “Thank you for telling me the truth, thank you. You are a Godsend." ...

In response to my sharing my initial blog post about our unexpected findings, I was contacted by the director of our agency and their attorney. I was asked to take down my blog post and to refrain from sharing any information about their agency that could be perceived as negative and untruthful.  I did not take down the post, feeling that is it our story to share. The purpose of my blog all along has been to share all aspects of our adoption journey, the good and the bad, the facts as we’ve been told and my feelings and perceptions. I have no intentions of misconstruing information in order to make the agency  look bad. I am stating our story from our perspective. The information that I share about our situation and that of our adopted children, is what I trust to be true. While there may not be concrete evidence supporting what I believe, I choose to trust.  Again, trusting my source. We began this journey, trusting. Trusting our agency and the information they gave to us. As conflicting information arose we were left questioning what we had trusted. It left us with no other option than to trust again. We again chose to trust someone whom we had never met. I have no reason to believe that words which I was told by my friend in Kinshasa or the words spoken to me by my children's birthmother are not true. Therefore, we continue to trust. We will hold firm in our belief that children belong first with their biological family, whenever possible. We will trust that God will help us make this a reality for this mother and her children, whom we’ve grown to love.

 As I reflect on the last year, and look forward in anticipation of the year to come, I realize that both are filled with uncertainty. Therefore, trusting, I choose to look up, to the One who sees from the beginning to the end. If I look back I see confusion and heartache, if I look forward I know the future is so uncertain...it's only in looking up that I can see assurance. Not assurance that I will understand the events of the past year or assurance that I will see what I expect in the next year, but assurance that whatever comes my way, I am not alone. Assurance that He is in control. Assurance that it is in the pain and confusion, He is glorified. We will continue to trust...


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